.PX.

Coming back home supposed to be a wonderful thing. Yeah, that’s what I thought so too AT FIRST.

well, first 4 days was good.

now, fifth day. only fifth day, or rather 4 and d half. cuz arguement started ystd already.

let me tell you what she is unhappy about first. one, i put event date on family holiday weekend(cuz of some important reason for me). two, i keep dancing.three, stress from chores?

anyway, since exams over, surely i wanna dance and do my event d whole day. i’ve stop dancing for like one month or so since event till exam.. i’ve planned to dance non stop for d holidays.(what’s wrong with that?)

so it started like that.. mornings good, afternoons good.. i was spending time doin proposal and sponsorship letter, researching bout my campsite .. (p/s from the start she looked down on me that i cant make it)

until she started sweeping the floor and grumbling, she throw temper on me.

say i’m self centered, OBSESSED with dancing. then, i say during exam, y dont she say i’m obsessed wit studying and ask me to stop?

she said YEAH, BE OBSESSED IN YOUR STUDIES! << (i thought once upon a time, you said obsession in any aspect is not good?)

then i said i’m just concentrating on sth i wanna achieved. she said NO YOUR OBSESSED! YOUR SELF CENTERED! I’VE TAHAN YOU SOOO LONG!

well, i kept quiet.

these are my thoughts.

if i’m self centered, i would not have helped in the chores.

i really want to help, but just the timing is alwiz not rite. I did all d things you asked me to do. even though the whole day was me doing all the stuff while others dont hav to do. i wanted to sweep the floor. but u took the step first and started grumbling. ( i heard what you said, you said nobody cares nobody helps in the house.)but i do. i feel hurt hearing that because i’m always not acknowledged. anyway, i just ignored it.. until u started to pick on me.

if you hav tolerated me so long, why dont you just ignore me. If your so unhappy with me, just kill me, pls. i’m unhappy enough with the world, yet u don und.

you said i should b obsessed in studying. do you know how hard is it for me to go through the exam this time? How many times when i’m alone i wanted to give up? It was so tough. i’m stressed. during exam, you encouraged me much. but now? now onli i know your REAL thinking.

doin sth i like means obsession? i’ve nth to do during hols anymore. i jus want to do sth i like. is tat wrong?

God. You listen to God everyday. but why cant i feel it anymore? Mayb God only listens to you. not me. yeah, world’s unfair anyway. I need anything i need to go through the toughest way to get it.

I wanted a handphone for so long, you bought one for the big one, one for the small one. I tried to asked from you, telling you i’m keeping money and saving hard, but u just seemed to ignore me. Fine. Freedom to the eldest, Pamper the youngest and neglect the middle. I understand this.

If i so happily forgo the family trip, i wont be havin heartaches whenever hearing you all plan bout the trip. If i’m so self centered and neva care bout how you all feel, i wont be thinking how to give you all an appropriate surprise for your bday and anniversary since i cant make it for the family trip!!!

JUST THAT I DONT SAY THINGS OUT DOESNT MEAN I DONT CARE! ITS ALMOST 20 YEARS SINCE I’M BORN! YOU STILL DON UND?

nobody understands. life’s by myself.

now you know why i chose for myself most of the time.

i tried to rely on you all, but i get disappointment.

i tried many ways to get out, but all i get is disappointment.

only by achieving what i want, i get the meaning of life. forgive me.

sometimes.. there’s no choice not to forgive. or rather its d nature to forgive ur own family member without any reason.

Today, he broke into tears saying that he felt the grace of God thru the love of us towards him.

I was touched. but pride in mind, i didnt giv any reaction.

anyway, glad that everythings over. i hope days like these will never happen again.

Today. is the worst day of my holidays. i dont tink it will go any worser (i hope it wont as well). there’s nth i can do to save d situation..i onli can let myself be weak in d dark and stand up again myself.

scars are here to remind me d pain i’ve been thru. its so hard to forgive. let alone forget.

i feel like breakdown. i feel outta place. like somehow i jus dont belong and no one understands me. i wanna runaway. (yeah, simple plan song sings my heart out)

nobody know what it’s like to be like me.

to be hurt, to feel lost to be left out in the dark

to be kicked when i’m down

to feel like i’m being pushed around.

the smile on my face doesnt symbolize the joy i’m going thru. i put in on my face so that trouble wont occur again. with this at least i can avoid more tragedies to happen.

i’m so sick of the big fake smiles ppl giv, and the lies that they say. deep inside here, its bleeding. can anyone see? no. hell no.

you used to be the more understanding one. but now? i’ve seen clearly.

but all in all, i’m glad tat i still hav ppl that care.

thx christina.

thx mydear. =)

我不可以一直弱下去。我一定会坚强。不论什么事，我都不可以认输。

不论是否具有创造力，9月17日出生的人始终者以不屈不挠的精神闻名，纵使要花上好几年的时间也在所不惜（他们似乎也喜欢这样的方式）。他们不仅有能力建立自己的事业与声望，有朝一日也能功成名就爬上最高的地位。在今天出生的人常常显得很严肃、不太好相处，甚至很难管理。一旦他们设定了一个目标，不论多么崇高或低微，都会努力地完成，绝对不会半途而废。他们不但热心，而且认真、信守诺言。 对9月17日出生的人来说，遇到挫折与克服挫折乃是家常便饭。他们不会用闪电高压的方式来迫使敌手就范，宁可慢慢地对敌手施以无情的压力而击溃他们。在面对巨大的压力时，他们可以表现得很好，不会太紧张，面临紧要关头时也不会缺乏自信心。因此在最因苦或艰难的时刻，人们可以信任9月17日的人所做的一切。 虽然他们很有创造力，可是大多数出生于9月17日的人都是很难缠、顽固的，他们是左脑逻辑的思考家，是以先后因果的逻辑概念来进行思考的，他们的推理方式是，如果A是真确的，那么B也必然是真确的。出生于这一天的人有很强烈的正义感，希望争论能被公平裁决。他们不仅希望自己能被公平地待，同时也很公平地对待别人。所以，丝毫不意外地，出生于这一天的人可以极优秀的律师或仲裁者。 虽然9月17日出生的人也会从事逐步的改革，好让既有的处境变得更好，但是，一般而言，他们还是比较安于现状。就算是最为激进的人，到最后还是会在既有的组织中，找到一个让自己安身立命的位置。也许这是因为他们比较喜欢有组织及直接的表达，不喜欢混乱或无政府的状态。在今天出生的人经常会站在保守评语者的这一方，重视既有事物与民俗传统的延续与保存。 尽管是保守主义者，9月17日出生的人仍有强烈的幽默感，这种特质使得他们与其他人有所不同，同时他们也会以一种最不寻常的方式去完成最为平凡的任务。他们通常并不像外表所显现的那么严肃，如果处在比较轻松的状态下，还会让人觉得他们非常有趣。可惜的人，他们并不轻易让自己的这一面表现出来，所以对周遭的同事而言，也许从来就没有机会去认识这一面的他们。 9月17日出生的人是最高度自我节制的人，很少以别出心裁的手法去加深别人对他们的印象，或是以此吸引他人的注意。同样地，他们也不太需要别人的谄媚或照顾，因为这会使他们因人性的善变与任性而受到伤害。对他们来说，情感是一件很严肃的事，不能像挂一顶帽子般地轻易表现出来，因此当他们说［我爱你］时，可是相当认真的。 幸运数字和守护星 9月17日出生的人受到数字8（1＋7＝8）与土星的影响。土星带来了强烈的局限与束缚感，同时也带来了评断事物的倾向；数字8则暗示了物质与精神世界之间的冲突，受这个数字影响的人可能会有孤单且过度纵欲的倾向。土星和水星（处女座的主宰行星）的联合影响，会突显出9月17日出生者严肃的一面。 健康 不管9月17日出生的人从事的是静态或动态的工作，都必须参与一些比较激烈的运动，因为他们有体重过重的趁势。减低脂肪与蛋白质的摄取，对他们的健康有很大的帮助，更能避免掉一些心脏血管方面的疾病。在他们的性需求得到满足之后，这些出生于9月17日的人就会有最好的工作表现，但是这种性爱必须植基于长久的恋人或伴侣的关系。此外，最好尽可能地避掉一些身体或情感上剧烈的冲突。 建议 评论他人或许是今天出生的人最坏的习惯；试着随和一点，抽点时间找点乐子；有时变得傻一点，并没什么好害怕的。走出既有模式，敞开心门让别人走进来。 名 人 威廉斯(Hank Williams)美国传奇乡村音乐歌星与作词者，以演唱自己的作品《冰冷的心》最闻名。 日本小说家曾野绫子，代表作《冰点》。英国编舞家、改革者与舞星阿胥顿(Frederick Ashton)，所编的浪漫故事性作品，成为许多芭蕾舞团重要剧码。 美国电影女演员班克罗夫(Ann Bancroft)，曾两度获得东尼奖及纽约剧评界奖，并曾获颁奥斯卡金像奖最佳女主角奖。 布兰达(George Blanda)全美足球联盟与美国足球联盟四分卫，有史以来最杰出的足球员，足球生涯长达26个球季。　　 美国网球名将康诺利(Maureen Connolly)，第一位赢得大满贯的女性选手，并曾夺得三次温布尔顿及一次装甲车公开赛的冠军。 美国小说家凯西(Ken Kesey)，《飞跃杜鹃窝》一书的作者。 塔罗牌 大秘仪塔罗牌的第17张是“星星”，画面上是一位赤身裸体的少女，在星空下一边把清新的池水浇灌在焦干的土地上，同时用另一把杓子使死水利税苏。她代表世间生命的光荣，但也代表了受物质与感官奴役。因此，天空的星星永远在提醒她：别忘了还有一个更高层次的精神世界存在。 静思语 手是地图，心是指南。 优点 坚持到底，不屈不挠、不畏缩。 缺点 保守、执着、沉重。

曾经，我以为真的可以完全依赖家里。。

有时可以。。但当问题发生时。。还是要靠自己。。

今天。。是个难受的一天。。在家里吵了又吵。。家不象家。。一切都很乱。一切都赖在我身上。 对，我有错，可是完全是我错吗？

我在这个家根本没有一个属于自己的空间。我连放衣服的地方都没有！你们了解我吗？一切都说是小事。可是对我来说，我自己的空间是非常重要的。你们哪里可以忽略我？还赖我！

我在背后付出的。。你们看得到吗？看不到！！ 要我说出来？ 不是在为自己领功劳？我才不要！

我以为默默的付出还是会有人发现。。原来没有的。

失望。失望。失望。

累。我活得好累。

啊~ 被点名字了

點名規則： 

A.被點到名字的要在自己的博客裏寫下自己的答案，然後去掉一個你最不喜歡的問題再补上一個你的問題，仍然組成20個問題，傳給其他8個人，列出其他8個需要回答問題的人的名字，還要到這8個人的博客裏留言通知對方—-你被點名了，被點名者不得拒絕回答問題，完成遊戲的人將會永遠得到大家的祝福。 

B.這8個人要在自己的博客裏註明是從哪裏接到的，並且再傳給其他8個人，讓遊戲繼續下去，不得囘傳。被點到名字的人將會得到大家的祝福，並且所有美好的願望都會在不久的將來實現 
 

Christina, 我亲爱的大姐。。

下个sem就final sem 了哦。。

真不舍得你勒。。认识你短短的时间，和你度过多多的事情。。

真的很高兴认识你。。很珍惜这段友情哦~

—————————————————————————————————————————————–
 
1.小时候的理想是什么？

小时候。。医生，律师，有钱人。。

哈哈。。觉得这些工作都会很有前途+$$途

2.这辈子最快乐的是什么事？ 

快乐的事没有一样是特别快乐。。因为所有快乐的事在发生得那一刻都是最快乐的。。

可是我19年的生活来，快乐的事包括自己的成就。。中学时的生活， 来了大学。。就是认识了一班让我很开心的朋友。。DAC的全部人都给了我家庭的感觉。。很有归属感。。这种感觉我在大学找了很久。。终于让我找到了。。

还有。。就是你们两个。。经常出入C 的朋友的出现。。很多事情发生了。。友情还是没有被影响。。我希望我们可以做一辈子的好朋友~

开心的事都围绕着朋友和自己和家人。。 ^^

3.目前的志愿是什么？离它还有多远？ 

志愿。。把书读好。。不要给父母负担。。

还有1年半读完。。

 
4.你有多久没有傻笑了？ 

我整天发白日梦。。不傻笑都不能。。哈哈。。

5.你最想去哪個地方？爲什麽？ 

没有特别指定的。。

反而想跟一两个好朋友去europe地带backpack travelling。。到处流浪下那种感觉。。哈哈。。

 
6.最受不了自己哪個缺點？ 

脾气暴躁，太有自信，死爱脸

7.如果有不開心的事情，你會怎麽辦？
发泄。

炸歌。大声喊。够力点会打墙壁，抽烟。

8.最害怕失去的东西？ 

人。。 我家人，我爱的人，我朋友。。

东西。。我电话钱包电脑。。哈哈。。

9.五年内比较现实的目标是什么？ 

找个工作，争取升职出国的机会，赚多多钱给自己和家人。

10.遇到喜歡的人，你是勇敢表白還是默默關注？ 

看情况，大多数。。勇敢表白。

11.說出點你名的人的3個優點？ 

Christina 可爱，开朗，摇得。哈哈。。

12.孤独是什么？ 

孤独。。是我一年前的生活。。

没有朋友的陪伴。。当我需要个肩膀靠时，我看到的只有我自己的影子。

我需要人来听我诉苦时，我只有四面墙愿意聆听。。

孤独是个很难受的感觉。我本身最讨厌的情况。

13.现在你的MSN讯息栏上留着什么讯息？为什么？ 

Bgirl 4 Life

哈哈。超爱breaking!!

14.你對你的近況滿意嗎？有什麽需要改變 

近况还好。。一切都在掌控下。。

需要改变。。我上课的态度，处理事情的方法

15.做过什么最后悔的事？

没有好好珍惜机会。。因为不敢尝试。。就白白错过了自己心爱的人。。

16.去过最美的地方是哪里？

山顶。。

感觉好像可以拥有全世界似的。。超棒~

17.你吃过最好吃的是什么？ 

家里煮的最好吃。。

18.如果能让你实现一个愿望，会是什么？

我希望。。这世界。。可以接受我的世界。。

9.喜欢怎样的二人世界生活？ 

浪漫。。去哪里都一起。。牵着手，带着份爱。。怎样过都是最幸福的。。

20. 如果你知道你将要死了,你会怎么办？

我会写我想要说的东西给我所有的朋友和家人。因为我这一生人最珍惜的就是他们。希望我可以把最后的一句话留在他们心里。来世再见。

8 个幸运的人

Eunice, 佩珊，芸妃，Nada, 卡门，仲豪，Jeh Teng, Robin

sleepless nites. in a few days, i c a lot of things. unfortunately, negative things.

so hard to describe tat kind of disappointment i’m going thru. i envy those friends that can be so close to each other. in every part of their lives, they tink for d good of their frens. its like a family of different surname, yet loving, caring and unselfish.

a lot of things are achieved in my life, yet in this stage, i havent found my ‘family’ in college. once i thought i found, a small family. days pass by, i realised its broken. i feel so distanced apart from people that i see everyday. sitting side by side but deep inside there’s no more d tie tat v used to hav. i’m indepandant on many things, but my emotion, my feelings still need a place of dependance when things go wrong. where can i go? especially when d problem occurs wit d ones that were once people who share my problems.

sometimes i tink whether i’m too sensitive or too self centered. i dono. i dont feel the sense of belonging with them anymore. i give a lot out, people take, but when i need sth back, jus a bit, either i dont get it or i hav to beg for it.

a man is not an island. v r meant to survive life together with people. i’m searching, searching for a family when i’m away from my real family. people that i can count on always, people that care for me even when i dont ask for it, jus people who r true to people. there’s no point saying sorry after breaking something, no point crying over split milk. what happened has happened. giving excuses is not d way to solve.

again, i’m still searching. now, i tink i hav found. jus finding a suitable place to fit in nicely. hopefully tis time, i’ve found d correct family where i really can belong. cuz i really need one. enough of disappointments. i dowan to SIGH every few minutes. enough. GOD help me.

Sometimes i wonder whether freedom really exist a not. my character is tomboyish. i’m born to hav a character like this. why cant they accept? its not that i boy-wanna-be, but its me naturally having a boyish character. i dont like girlish clothings. i like boys style. wat’s wrong?

that day i went shopping wit my parents and i had my eyes on this boys shirt. actually i rather make it unisex. y clothings need to be categorized by gender? i hate it when my mom alwiz ask d question, "is this guys or girls clothings?" and i alwiz answer its UNISEX (thx for whoever that created this word).

i hate it when they talk bout me stuffs like .. y dont u keep long hair.. y don u wear dress.. y don u this y don u tat of girlish stuff.. i feel like asking back.. Y CANT I BE MYSELF?  d answer to those qs are jus simple as i dont like it. jus that i’m different than d others, wats wrong?

there are so many different styles in this world, what i like might not be what other people like. its the same concept when they buy stuff and they tink its so nice but i tink its not. when asked for opinion, i’ll just answer.. "most important it suits ur taste." THEY AGREED!

but why when coming to my side, i dont get to choose? i’m not being stubborn, but i’m just going for things i like. don try to change me. i’m alwiz me. PX - short spiky hair, UNISEX outfit (lol?), boyish character.

Naturally, people are created with certain character. is it true that people’s character cannot be changed? or is it true that only true love can change people’s character? =.= i dont know. but many ppl tell me that THIS IS ME. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

it is hard to understand a person’s behaviour. sometimes warm sometimes cold sometimes invisible. i find that EMOtional ppl are caring ppl but when they are in EMO mood, they r not frenly at all. what about when non emo ppl mix wit emo ppl? can emo ppl ever control their emotions? everybody needs to be respected. no matter how bad d situation has become, i dont tink anybody deserves ignorance.

ppl are born to HAVE emotions but not to do everything ACCORDING TO their emotions. not talking bout the fact of EQ level but just the act of respecting one another. hurt on a person also comes from the result of mis-released moodiness. nobody is everything in the world even when they are moody.

however, people wit such character never realise the effect of their mood towards others. some people just hav unchangable undefinable characters.. complicated world..

teenage life is about discovering ourselves. young people like to get involved in relationships, innocently believing that love has a power to make everything well. mayb in some situation where there is really true love involved, this is true. but many a times, we tend to search for the other half for the sake of having somebody to take care of us all the time or just to be proud of having a gf of bf by our sides.

there are many people that dont know a relationship without heart hurts the other half that gives out their heart. once the heart is broken, it is very hard to have it back whole again. sometimes its not that the person never give out their heart but they love people in a wrong way. jealousy and tendency to own our partner rise arguements and misunderstanding.

people are not like machines that can be restarted by pressing a button. sometimes ppl cannot expect a person that has a broken heart to be back whole again after a few words being spoken. hurt that is made is deep inside. no matter how much u love that person, it is still hard to forget the hurt inside. mayb a chance is given to this relationship, yet, it wont be perfect anymore. the hurt inside brings up revengeful feeling, sad memories, anger of being mistreated and lastly end up in arguements all the time.

people that hurt others never realise the pain others go thru cuz of them. they never tink about other people’s feelings and just care for themselves. but the funny thing is hurtful people r alwiz d ones that others fall for.

in this world, there is no point to be loyal or kind when it comes to relationships. people wont ever appreciate. all v get back is hurt n hurt alone, making our own lives to be miserable.

live life to the fullest for ourselves. dont live for others. relationship is just part and parcel of our lives. Family and Friendship are the things that must be cherished and appreciated. They are d ones tat will b there wit u thru ups and downs of lives. when ur goin thru d most shitty times or the best times of ur life, they’ll b there, sharing ur happiness n sadness. Thats y i’m so glad to have my family and all my supportive frens.

Licia.Eunice.Yinling.Ting.Madam.Dajie.Allan.

Having a few true frens is MUCH BETTER than having fake frens all around.